well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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