If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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