Need sex. Gaining weight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize