I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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