Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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