I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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