yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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