$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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