dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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