oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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