Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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