dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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