In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Couch. On fire.
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