The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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