U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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