Your tits are I can't wait for
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we're so committed to being not committed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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