see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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