WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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