I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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