on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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