She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize