Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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