I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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