I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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