i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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