So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize