I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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