Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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