It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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