dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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