first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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