my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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