I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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