There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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