11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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