I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize