Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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