I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize