i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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