everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize