she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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