Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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