Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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