you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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