The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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