smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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