He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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