Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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