grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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