my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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